Sunday, February 14, 2010

Men and Women

Goodness. I am well past the point of excuses, and it's a good thing because I don't have any. This past month and a half I've had surprisingly little to write, but have not forced myself to write anyway (like any self-respecting, diligent writer would). A lot of thoughts have run through my little head without conclusions, but I'll probably share them are welcome to share your insights on anything written here.

Now that I live with two other young, single women, you can imagine what topic comes up...every now and then. Yes, boys and men. And BoyzIIMen. I mean boys becoming men. Or men acting like boys.

I'll just go ahead and say it. There is a startling lack of men out there, especially in their 20's. And before you roll your eyes and vow never to read this blog again, read this: this post is not about men. This one's for the ladies. What I'm about to write is a new thought for me, but the more I think about it, the more I think it's true. Women are largely responsible for the current state of manhood.

Men and women want to be attractive to each other, so we do what we think makes us attractive. Who tells men what is attractive? Women do. We tell them what we want through our words and actions, and they listen. So ladies, what are we telling them? What are we telling our friends, brothers, fathers, husbands, boyfriends about what we find attractive?

I talked this over with an older, wiser friend of mine who gave me a little history lesson. After WWII, men came home from war emotionally detached and power-hungry. Wives nagged and men got even more distant. When they finally abandoned home, women were left to raise the boys, and they babied them instead of raising them to be leaders. Girls saw their mothers in charge and acting like men because they had to. The next generation turned into manly women and weak men. They parented my generation, who grew up thinking childhood lasts forever, not knowing whether they're heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, or indifferent. My friend's conclusion? There is no "solution."


So is the question "what came first, the chicken or the egg?" Who cares what came first? I believe it's a question of leadership. Who is going to be the first to draw the line? I don't think it's a lost cause. We can't despair, because we haven't begun fighting! Women must start acting like women and men must start acting like men, and we must require this of each other. Men won't step up to their responsibilities if women get there first, and women can't let go of the reins if no one is there to drive. This sounds old fashioned, and it is. Maybe the old-fashioned folks had something right.

I read an article written by a lawyer at one of the most sought-after law firms in America. He said that never before have they seen such a lack of leadership in their applicants. The three components of leadership that he looks for are Competence, Vision, and Integrity. Guess which one is hardest to find. Integrity and character are at the bottom of most new year's resolutions lists. Would that change if women communicated to men that they'd rather have their integrity than their muscles? Their honesty than their charm? I believe it would. 

Consider this a challenge for your present, your future, and the future of our nation and world. Oh, one more thing. We can't do this without the help of people ahead of us who have more understanding and are farther down the path. We need them to guide us. And most importantly, we need the unchangeable truth of Scripture to bring character to light in our hearts and clarity to our minds. There is no other way.

More could be said, but I hope what is written is clear. Think about it.


  1. i agree that women are largely responsible for things. but i want to FIGHT that because i want a MAN not a boy. i'm not interested in boys...count me in on this fight!

  2. I don't think we can start pointing a finger at the generation of women who did what they had to. Truth be told, women have been making the world go round since the begining of time. History is littered with thousands of years of "weak" men and "responsibile" women left picking up the peices. What our society is dealing with is nothing our fore-mothers haven't seen, they were just more formal back then and marriage was pursued, not pushed off, largly for social and sexual reasons, but still... I think our greatest problem is the lack of pursuit of marriage, especially within the church...a problem that might largly go away if we reevaluated our idea of commitment and yes integrity.

    glad to see you writing again :) we need to get together soon!

  3. uhummmmm..I am with you on that fight...
    I am a she with a strength of a he...
    I stand as a father and mother to my kids...

    I am a single mom...and proud of it...

    to your health...god bless